did you know miss piggy is from iowa? i often wonder the influence she had on me as a child seeing as the entire character could be based off of me at the present moment (fantastic bossy blonde thick fationista femme).

also, check out linda ronstadt’s dress – SO GOOD.

AALIYAH: LET ME TAKE YOU TO MEET MY MOM.

TREACH: BE YOUR LOVER UNDERCOVER, GET A WOMAN WET.

IT IS OVER THIRTY DEGREES IN MINNEAPOLIS, KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’?

KEY MOMENT, 8:10:

MARTHA ‘SECRET LEZ’ STEWART: “WHAT ABOUT YOUR GLASSES?”

RACHEL ‘MODEST’ MADDOW BECOMES FLUSTERED.

MARTHA ‘I AM THE MOST POWERFUL SECRET LEZ IN THE WORLD’ STEWART: “THEY’RE GORGEOUS.”

RACHEL ‘I’M IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP’ MADDOW BLUSHES FURIOUSLY.

KEY MOMENT NUMBER ONE, 1:13:

RACHEL ‘IS THE MOST POWERFUL SECRET LEZ IN THE WORLD HITTING ONE ME?’ MADDOW: “I, I DON’T EAT VERY WELL.”

MARTHA ‘I’D DO YOU RIGHT’ STEWART: “OH, YOU DON’T?”

SEXUAL TENSION THAT COULD MAKE JAMIE FOXX CRINGE.

RACHEL ”I’M ACTUALLY A 15 YEAR OLD BOY” MADDOW : “I EAT FROM STREET CARTS.”

MARTHA ‘LEAVE YOUR WIFE’ STEWART: “OH, YOU DO?”

MARTHA ‘I’M A FOXY OLDER BLONDE, TOO – AND I AM MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN EVEN FATHOM’ STEWART SILENTLY JUDGES RACHEL’S OLDER, BLONDE ARTIST GIRLFRIEND, SUSAN.

KEY MOMENT NUMBER TWO, 2:25:

MARTHA ‘POPPIN A BONER’ STEWART: “LOOK, SHE DOESN’T TRUST ME.”

RACHEL “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME ON NATIONAL TELEVISION” MADDOW: “NO, NO I…”

MARTHA “I THINK ABOUT YOU BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT”‘ STEWART: “I’M EXTREMELY TRUSTWORTHY.”
KEY MOMENT NUMBER THREE, 2:25 THROUGH 3:00:

MARTHA ‘MY PUSSY IS WRAPPED IN 100 DOLLAR BILLZ’ STEWART KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HOW VELVETY THE SOUP WILL BE. VELVET. LIKE VELVET RACHEL. YOU AIN’T NEVER HAD NOTHIN’ AS GOOD AS THIS RACHEL, CUZ I HAD MY PUSSY SURGICALLY LINED WITH  PURE SILKVELVET. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE THE MOST POWERFUL SECRET LEZ IN THE WORLD.

KEY MOMENT, NUMBER ONE, 1:17:

RACHEL ‘MY GOD, I NEED A DRINK’ MADDOW: “I, I’M A GEEK.”

MARTHA ‘OH, BABY I LIKE IT RAW’ STEWART: “YOU ARE. IT’S WONDERFUL.”

KEY MOMENT, NUMBER TWO, 1:35:

RACHEL ‘ACTUALLY I DRANK SOME GIN DURING THE BREAK’ MADDOW: “I ALWAYS TRAVEL WITH THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT.”

KEY MOMENT, NUMBER THREE, 3:40:

MARTHA ‘TAKE MY FREAKING CLOTHES OFF’ STEWART: “I READ YOUR EMAIL REAL CAREFULLY.”

THE CRUX!!!!!!, 3:47:

MARTHA ‘I DO ANAL ON THE FIRST DATE’ STEWART: “YOU DON’T ARGUE WITH RACHEL MADDOW.”

DEAR RACHEL MADDOW,

IF YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A RING AND LEAVE ME A VOICEMAIL DESCRIBING WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE MARTHA STEWART BASICALLY SAY “I BOOKED A HOTEL ROOM FOR US AFTER THE SHOW – ACTUALLY JUST MEET ME IN THE LAST STALL OF THE BATHROOM” ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, THAT WOULD MAKE MY ENTIRE YEAR MORE THAN PERFECT.

THANK YOU.

ME MY HOTSELF, MYSELF BE SO HOT!

YES, MISSY, YES!